


Ikanaide (Don't Go)

by nerdling_prince



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ... maybe?, Angst, Homophobic Language, If you want me to tag something that I forgot to tag please tell me!!!, Loss, M/M, Minor Character Death, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Tension, lots of unresolved things., pinning, you know the drill.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6956497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdling_prince/pseuds/nerdling_prince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of a song of the same song, Ikanaide.  【  いかないで  】</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ikanaide (Don't Go)

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to listen to the song, I have links to a version that has been subbed, but it's in annotations, so it will not be readable on mobile. I also have a link to an English cover. 
> 
> Subbed- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-vtxpEg7b0  
> Covered- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSCwqCsSK1g
> 
> /// sorry for the lack of a summary, unable to come up with one currently. If I come up with one later, I'll update the fic, as for now...
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Fireworks, his eyes lit up at the sight. He’d point and say, “we’re going to travel out there someday!” He’d look towards the sea as if it were the last pint of ice cream at the store on a blazing summer’s day.

The brunet couldn’t help but watch, happy to see his friend gleeful for once.

 

* * *

 

He continued to be the best friend that the brunet boy could’ve asked for.

Eren would’ve asked for centuries, he wished he could spend all of his time with him. Others looked down at him for having this wish, but he was a kid.

To Eren, he would have centuries with him. He’d continue to love his blue eyes, he’d continue to protect him.

The brunet would keep this promise so long as he would as well.

 

* * *

 

Controversy arose once Eren was still holding hands with him in middle school. It got more bullies to go after him, which definitely made Eren angry. What was wrong with this act?

Why did it make his expression dull, why did it make his hand flinch away once Eren had tried to link theirs?

“Boys don’t hold hands. If they do, they’re faggots. What are you, Eren? A fag?” Another boy spat toxic at them.

“So what if I am?”

“You’re a faggot, aren’t you? You like it up the butt, don’t you?”

“What does that even mean- Armin! Wait!”

He ran as fast as he could away from the two.

“See? Even tiny little Arlert doesn’t want to be near a _faggot_.” Laughing, the boy shoved Eren and walked away. “He doesn’t want your gay hands touching him.”

Eren could only stare towards the stairwell that he ran to.

If what that boy said was true, then.. maybe Eren should make sure to leave him be for a bit.

 

* * *

 

“Mama?” Eren stood near his mother, helping her prepare dinner. “What’s a.. ‘Faggot’?”

Carla looked away from what she was doing, she had an expression of concern. “Who taught you that word, Eren?”

“Some.. boy.. He saw Armin and I holding hands again and called us that. Well, he called me it.. Armin ran before he could really say anything.” He was scared, was it worse than he thought?

“Oh, Eren.. that’s a bad word. People use it against boys who like other boys.. Tell me, what happened before this boy called you that?”

“I got into another fight. ‘Was protecting Ar again.”

She sighed and shook her head. “Let me tell you right now, sweetie. Boys who like other boys.. They’re considered gay men. It is absolutely fine for two boys to like each other. Don’t let anyone stop you from being you, okay?”

“Anyone? Even the cops?”

“Okay, okay. Maybe not the cops, but you know what I meant..” Carla laughed a small bit. “Now, did you want a taste test?”

“Mm.. maybe later. I need to go talk to Armin!”

Before Carla could catch her son, he was already by the door, getting his shoes on.

“Be quick, stay safe!”

“Will do! Love you, ma!”

 

* * *

 

Eren knocked gently on the door in front of him, swaying a bit on his feet to pass the time.

His grandpa opened the door, with his usual hello and smile.

“Can I talk to Armin please?” Eren folded his hands behind his back, clutching a present for him.

“He’s not feeling too great right now.. I’ll go see if he’s well enough to talk, so stay right here, alright? You can come in if you’d like, just close the door behind you.” His grandpa stepped away, going up the stairs.

Eren stepped in, doing as he was told. He looked around, awaiting his blonde friend.

He waited, and waited, until finally his grandpa came down again, with a smile still on his face.

“He said you should call later, he doesn’t think you should come into his room currently. Sorry, sonny.” He ruffled Eren’s hair.

Eren’s smile turned into a small bit of a frown. He nodded, and headed towards the door. “Thank you, sir. I’ll see if I can call later.”

“Have a safe trip home!”

He opened the door, stepping out. “Will do, bye-bye.” Eren closed the door behind him, going on his bike, and prepared to start pedaling home.

The present was dropped, some of the petals falling off of it’s flowers, the crown falling apart completely.

He watched from his window, whispering two words as Eren left.

 

* * *

 

Eren couldn’t help but cry as he pedalled home, the streetlights flickering on. He was afraid to lose his best friend, his _only_ friend.

Even if he turned his head to look back, he wouldn’t have been able to find his face.

He wasn’t paying attention to what was in front of him, ending up losing his balance on his bike briefly, luckily not falling off.

Tears started streaming down his face, staining his shirt. There was no way he could hide this from Carla, she’d notice right away.

It’s nothing he should worry too much about, right?

Then why did he want to stop his legs right then?

 

* * *

 

He and Eren grew apart, but still talked occasionally throughout high school. They sat at the same table, not because he wanted to, but because there was no where else to sit but there with Eren.

“So.. what did I miss yesterday in french class?”

He could feel Eren’s eyes burning into him.

“Nothing really..” He kept his eyes on his homework, not looking up at Eren once.

“Man, then that means Mr. Ackerman’s gonna kick my ass when I get back..”

The rumors about Eren being gay had spread, and it didn’t help that he protected the shy little blonde kid; the same kid he used to hold hands with up until 7th grade. Though, the public hand holding ended in 6th grade.

Eren was rambling on about something, but he wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying, too focused on his work.

“Hey, Armin?”  
  
“Hm?”

“You remember the festival this town holds every year?” Eren sounded somewhat excited.

“Yeah.. what about it?” He looked up again, to see Eren’s smiling face, and those daring eyes to meet his own.

“I doubt anyone else would really want to go with me, but.. maybe you and I could go? J-Just as friends, I mean..” A blush found it’s way onto Eren’s face.

He had to think about this, risk more bullying to make Eren happy?

“... Sure.. I’ll go with you.”

A small smile found its way onto his lips, almost to match Eren’s rather large one.

“Really?!”

“Really.”

“Thank you! You won’t regret coming with me, I promise!!” Eren’s eyes were practically shining, with him almost shouting those words.

“Okay.. but please, keep your voice down. We’re in the cafeteria, Eren..”

“Oh. Right.. sorry.” Eren rubbed the back of his neck, still smiling.

The bell rung, causing him to grab all his items, and start walking away. Eren followed him.

“So.. I’ll come to pick you up next week?”

“Yeah.. sure.”

 

* * *

 

As promised, Eren was there to pick him up. He decided to wear something light to accommodate for the heat glazing over them; though he was glad to see that Eren was wearing light as well.

That same blush was on Eren’s face, but seemingly more noticeable now.

“I-I uh.. I’m here to pick you up, Armin.” Eren’s stuttering was something that was charming about him. He’d always stutter when he was nervous.

“I can see that, thank you, Eren.” He smiled, walking out of his doorway and shutting the door behind him.

“So uhm.. I uh..”

He smiled. “C’mon, you can spit it out..”

“Y-You.. you look really.. cute tonight. M-More than usual!” Eren faltered a bit, afraid he’d offend him. “I-I mean!”

“I get what you mean.. thank you for the compliment, Eren.” The smile widened.

Eren was at ease with that, nodding his head, and bringing the both of them to his car.

 

* * *

 

The festival was lively, with bustling stands and music being played by a live band.

Eren had looked ahead, standing next to him, silently hoping that their friendship could be fully mended..

.. but that didn’t seem realistic, and Eren could only wait for the world to slap him in the face.

That’s when he noticed that he had been separated from the other.

Time slowed, Eren’s eyes frantically searching the crowd. Eren couldn’t find him.

They were apart once again.

 

* * *

 

Once Eren spotted him again, he noticed that he had gone besides Jean. It stung his heart.

He was walking away, and it was no doubt their eyes had crossed. He was being taken away from him again.

Every step seemed like it never touched the ground.

“Why..?” Eren asked to no one.

Steel legs and a pierced heart. Eren couldn’t move, he couldn’t go to stop him from leaving him again.

“I’m fine,” he told himself. “I shouldn’t cry..” The dam was breaking.

With eyes that reflected the ocean, he whispered two words, and watched as his chance slipped away once again.

 

* * *

 

  
Eren sat alone at lunch now, watching as he went over and sat with Jean instead.

Was this how he was going to treat Eren? Ignoring him?

No. Eren was too stubborn to accept this.

Once the bell rang, he sprung from his seat, immediately going over to him.

“Hey..”

No answer.

“Hey, Armin.”

No reply.

“Armin, please respond to me..”

A pause happened between them. “... I can’t be seen talking to you, Eren.” He said these words in a hushed voice.

“Why not..?” Eren eyed him, confused.

He looked around briefly. “If I’m caught talking to you, I might get bullied again.. please Eren, I don’t want that.. not again.”

That’s when things clicked.

“Oh.. right.. S-Sorry..”

“It’s not your fault, but I have to go to class now, sorry.”

Eren watched again as he walked away, seemingly being surrounded by people who he had sat with; they were guiding him away.

He wanted to say those words again.

 

* * *

 

Every night became the same to Eren. He couldn’t sleep, but he couldn’t stand being awake.

He stared at the picture of his mother on his dresser across the room. The orchid plant beside it had been wilting.

With a sigh, Eren turned on his side, pulling out his phone.

Two days until graduation.

That’s when Eren would see him again.

 

* * *

 

Graduation hit, with everyone in tears. Eren had gone alone, seeing as his father was too busy to come.

Every minute felt like an hour to him, right up to when he saw him going up to the podium.

He stood tall, a smile on his face as he shook hands and grabbed his diploma, and walking off.

Eren could only stare, he was captivated by him. He still cared about him so, so much, and it hurt that he couldn’t love him back.

Time remained at a standstill throughout the rest of the night.

He walked home alone, with the street lights flickering on, despite the darkened feel. His shadow followed every step of the long road ahead.

“You should have talked to him..” He sighed to himself, hands in his pockets. “You had your chance. He seemed like he would’ve been happy to talk, too..”

The mocking shame built up inside of him over and over.

When would it end?

 

* * *

 

People were leaving off to college soon after graduation, with Eren walking with him to the airport. Armin had asked for a lift earlier that day.

“So.. this is the last flight to the college you’re going to, huh?” The grief was already present in Eren’s voice.

“Yeah.. I can’t believe how fast high school went.. It’s a shame we couldn’t talk a bit more..”

“Definitely..” Eren tried his best to smile, to fake being happy for him.

The truth was, he wanted him to stay there with him, get on the plane with him.

He didn’t want to be alone anymore.

“Eren..” He sighed, looking up at him. “I know. You’re mad at me.”

“Mad.. at you? No! No.. I’m not, I swear..”

“Then what is it, Eren?”

They continued walking, even though they slowed down a bit.

“I’m going to miss you. I just.. Armin, I can’t be alone any longer. Mikasa’s gone off on her own already, and now.. Now when I finally get my chance to just fucking.. to fucking get close to you again..” Tears were falling down his cheeks. “I just.. Armin, please.. Don’t leave me alone again.”

“Eren.. I can’t just stay here, you know that.. Everything’s been paid for already and I wish I could’ve, that we could’ve.. but we can’t.” He opened his arms, waiting for the taller to enter the embrace.

Eren immediately went to hug Armin. He sobbed as held Armin, holding him close. “I shouldn’t cry.. I should be happy for you.. I’m sorry I’m crying so much..”

“It’s okay Eren.. it’s okay.”

If only it were.

Armin broke their embrace apart mumbling something about texting him, and with a smile, started walking away from Eren. His legs were carrying him away too fast.

The ground felt like it was slowly crumbling for Eren, the world was caving in.

His legs were bound to the ground, he wanted to go after Armin, but he couldn’t.

Instead, he fell to the ground, hands covering his eyes as he whispered two words.

_“Don’t go.”_

  



End file.
